The Mutant Child

Isaac 2009-04-09

Have you ever noticed that some babies are just not cute? I had the misfortune of witnessing a woman having a meltdown in Wal-Mart this week because her sister's baby was "just not cute". She was lamenting that fact to her significant other and said that she was "tired of the lies." It was really quite comical, until she looked at my quiet, sleeping baby in the cart and declared, "There! Look at that baby! He's cute! Why couldn't she have a cute baby like that?!" before she dissolved into another round of hysterical crying.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Isaac isn't cute. It's just that I'm his mother and therefore my vote on such things doesn't count. The reality is that most babies - especially when they are newborns are not cute at all, but rather seem like some weird human/animal/alien hybrid.

My own child was not immune to this strange phenomenon. I remember holding him in the hospital the day after he was born, and telling my mother on the phone about his freakishly large hands and feet. I told her he must be part puppy and that hopefully he'd grow into them someday.

Then we brought him home only to discover that having large paws was not the only mutant gene he had. When you hold him close to you for more than a second he grabs a fist full of shirt (and in Michael's case sometimes its shirt and/or chest hair!) and hangs on for dear life like a little monkey! You literally have to pry his fingers apart to get him to let go - and even then you're prying one hand open only to find that he's reattached his vise-like grip with the hand you freed five seconds ago!

Then there's the frog gene. This one is really strange as we're not sure if its from a real frog, a video game, or Kermit himself! I have a picture of him lying on his stomach in classic frog pose - with arms and legs bent. When he does that I can't help but be reminded of playing Frogger on my brothers Atari as a child. Oh, and when he's hungry he does what we now refer to as "the bobbing frog". I swear he looks just like Kermit head-banging to some rock music!

Isaac will be 7 weeks old tomorrow. Yesterday we took advantage of his terrific mood and had a little photo shoot. As I was reviewing all the pictures, I noticed that his hands and feet don't look so large any more. Then I thought that he hasn't done the bobbing frog with as much gusto as he once did. Is he outgrowing his mutant genes? I wonder how long it will be before we say good-bye to the puppy-monkey-frog-boy and are left with just a normal little boy instead...

...but then again he is the product Michael and me, so there are probably no worries about him ever being "normal" right? :-)